My baby loves me just the way that I am.

Nothing like blogging and looking at quilty stuff with a nice hot mug of English Breakfast tea. om nom.

So the diet thing is going pretty well. I've been looking for a multivitamin that isn't as big as my dog's paw, and the nice guy at GNC found a liquid one for me. Next paycheck I'll have to stop in for it. The gummy vitamins hurt my jaw (TMJ), so perhaps this liquid will work. From what I read you can mix it into water or milk or just drink the capful plain.

I'm using LoseIt to track my food intake; I am SO deprived of protein it's almost sickening. Gonna have to think up more protein snacks. I already have a freezer full of chicken, but chicken gets boring. I don't really enjoy red meat either. And fish has an awful texture I can't get over. Perhaps some nuts? I'll have to google.

"Our" song comes on the radio here at random and I don't know how I feel about it. On one hand, I love it--the country station in Milwaukee almost never played it. On the other, it just makes me miss Ax so much more than I already do. There is a very precious memory attached to this song and often times when I hear it, it makes me long for those days before all this military business.  (In case you were wondering, the song is "Would You Go With Me" by Josh Turner.)

On the job-hunting front, I've found a couple things to apply for. I think the trick to not getting discouraged is to only do the hunting every other day, or every two days. That way I trick my brain into thinking I haven't seen all the listings before, and I look at them with fresh eyes. That said, I have several applications sent in and a few resumes to drop off or fax tomorrow while I'm out. I'm hoping to get something local instead of having to drive to JAX...crossing my fingers! I'd really love the library position I applied for, but my hopes aren't too high on that one. I'm sure they have a lot of people applying for it.

We've gotten a couple calls from Ax the last few days! He called from the boat one day, and this morning I got a call before they were going out drinking. They've moved onto the boat but they're still doing work before pulling out of port. At the rate he's going, he'll still be sunburned when he gets back home. Sigh. He's been busy but he seems to be enjoying himself. I suppose if I went to school for an entire year for something, I'd be enjoying actually doing something related to that job as well, instead of standing around doing duty days or exploring a tiny tiny island in the middle of bumblefuck nowhere.

When he called this morning I told him about a dream I had: we were married, just like now. I don't recall if he was in the Navy or not, but anyway...he cheated on me with a girl we had met at a party. The girl felt bad and eventually came clean. I flipped my shit entirely. I was angry. I remember how angry I was--I woke myself up a little grinding my teeth!--and then she told me that she wasn't the only one. There were 18 other girls he cheated on me with in the span of two years. Then I really got pissed. I said something about how they were both lucky I didn't have a firearm--Ax would have been dead and I would have shot out her knee for hooking up with him in the first place. And then I woke up.

The whole thing is silly because Ax has said many times he has no skills with women. Considering i did most of the work to get our relationship moving, this does not surprise me.

What makes it weird is that Ax had a similar dream last night (well, last time he slept. they're half a day ahead of us)! Only he walked in on me in bed with another dude. I apparently crawled back and begged for forgiveness. He woke up feeling really sad. :(

No one warned me about the weird dreams that are had during deployments! That is the first time we've had similar dreams, and we spent a couple minutes when he called today reassuring ourselves that our marriage is fine and that we're completely loyal and faithful. I think after how real both of the dreams were that we needed that reassurance. Especially since we're so far apart right now.

Interestingly, time is simultaneously flying by and crawling. I can't believe we'll be entering the second week of March in a few days!

Time to go look at more quilting stuff. I wish I could win the lottery so I could have a huge fabric stash...haha.

There are days that I don't even have words

for the strange things my husband and my dog do.

For example, I came out of the bathroom this morning to find my dog in his crate like this:

Just hanging out. Not chewing on a toy, not looking for something, just...laying there like that.


And then my husband, bless his attempts at interior decorating, had the slipcover for our couch on backwards. How you can do that when there is QUITE CLEARLY a front side (and a tag that says "CENTER OF BACK") I have yet to understand. He's deployed and somehow still manages to leave me weird surprises.

On an entirely unrelated note, Magpul will have our business for a lifetime. In case you haven't been following the story, Magpul manufactures accessories for firearms. They are based in CO, which is currently in the midst of a battle about assault weapons and "high-capacity" magazines. Not only has Magpul threatened to pull out of CO and relocate if the bill passes, they have now pledged that all residents of CO are able to buy up to 10 "high capacity" magazines before Magpul leaves. The CO people that put in their orders will get theirs ahead of other people who have been waiting for their parts and pieces since the CT shooting. And interestingly, there aren't a lot of disgruntled non-CO residents. I think they respect Magpul and the firearms community enough to not raise a stink, though it sucks that they will now have to wait longer for their supplies. Ax is the firearms nut in the house--I enjoy them but not to the extent he does--and I know this solidifies his decision to continue purchasing from them.


I started a deployment journal; made from a Smash Book. Walmart has all sorts of stickers and shit designed for the books, so I'll probably pick some up when I'm out. I haven't decided if I'm going to let Matt read it or if it's just going to be for me. Either way, I've been catching up in it--I had a small journal started on my phone, but there's only so much space and I've started having more to say.

Hand-quilting his anchor blanket is slow progress as well, because SOMEONE with four paws seems to think it's his personal sleeping bag. Sigh. But Mr. Four-Paws is now zonked out on the couch after a walk and playing outside for a solid 45 minutes. At night he "talks" in his sleep and it's pretty damned funny to listen to. He often wakes himself up with his woofing.

And now I'm off to find something to do. I have a FRG meeting tomorrow that I don't really want to go to, but am going anyway for the human interaction. I hope most of the women decide to drop their kids off for the babysitting. I don't like kids (minus a RARE few). I especially don't like kids who constantly interrupt a conversation.

The days are better, the nights are still so lonely

Deployment is officially underway, as far as I'm concerned. I've heard from Ax sporadically, which helps. I may not be able to see his face or hold him but hearing from him reassures me he's safe. Well, I was told he got sunburned already somehow...so...safe enough, at least? LOL.


Simon and I have been doing okay so far. We keep ourselves occupied enough I think. I try to play with him more now that I have less household stuff to do (the bills pretty much take care of themselves, there's only one person's laundry to do, etc.). It's been nice enough after dinner but before dark that we play outside. And by play, I mean: Simon grabs his toy and runs around the yard at a full sprint. I clap at him or fake-chase him once in a while when he wants to play chase.

It's hard to sleep. For me anyway. Simon doesn't seem to have a problem zonking out wherever he's laying. ha. I usually write down what I've done during the day--which is a challenge in itself, as the notepad only has so much space per page! definitely encourages me to use my vocabulary-- then play games or browse reddit until I fall asleep holding my phone.

The anchor quilt needs to be spray-basted...as much as I dislike it (it irritates my lungs hardcore), this quilt is just too big to baste with thread. And I want to be able to start hand-quilting it on the double! I'm hoping to have the quilting done by the time Ax returns. Ambitious, as it's a queen size...

I've learned that Simon is afraid of ice cubes. I tried to be a nice mommy and put a few in his water bowl, only to have him refuse to drink from it until they melted. He is also afraid of tall grass (like prairie grass) swaying in the breeze. Thunder is the enemy and must be barked at in the most vicious manner! He hated having his nails clipped at first, though we've made quite a bit of progress with it. I trim the back paws and then it's belly-rub time! Then the front two, a quick ear rub, the dew claws, and we're done.

(As I'm writing this, Simon is on the other end of the couch grumbling and grrrrr-ing in his sleep. It's so damned adorable. He often wakes himself up by "talking" in his sleep. Cracks me up every time! He also runs in his sleep and manages to hit himself in the face with his paws, due to the way he lays....)


So I figure I'll take this first deployment a day or week at a time. The weekends seem to be the worst so far, although I've read that feeling that way is common since that's when you spend the most time together as a couple. I'll just have to come up with other things to do instead! It doesn't help that almost NOTHING is open here on Sundays. Being an atheist in the south is a challenge...oy.

I have a freakin' laundry list of stuff to do while Ax is away:

• hand quilt the anchor blanket
• puzzles!
• find a breeder; we would like another dog and Ax wants a purebred Golden Retriever. 
• I signed up for some Coursera courses in writing/composition. I figure if I'm not working I gotta keep my brain fresh somehow!
• Get paperwork from shelter to be a foster doggie mommy. 
• File state taxes. We're filing in WI, but for whatever inane reason they won't accept the damn thing online. Why can't it "just work"??
• Find Simon an obedience class. Not only to work on his commands but to help him have some "dog time" too. Sometimes I feel bad that he's stuck with me for X amount of months and has no other dogs to play with regularly.
• Make a small curtain for the window in the garage (yeah, we have a window in the garage. Sometimes I don't even.)
• READ BOOKS! I haven't had the time in so long. ;_;
• Keep trying to find a job. TRYING.
• Bake lots of yummies and send them up to WI! :)
• Take Simon to the beach a few times

And probably other stuff I'm not even aware of right now. Ha. But there you have it...I guess? I miss Ax terribly. I know he misses me as well, although I'd bet he's excited to finally be deploying after a year of schooling. He's a pretty pasty boy by nature, I can only imagine how see-through he'll be after months on a boat! ;)

Fast quilts, halfway boxes, and Friday fill-ins, oh my!

That title was more clever the first time I read it. Less so the more I stare at it. Oh well. Screw it.

Where to start...

Well, Ax wanted a blanket to take onboard with him since subs are apparently awfully cold. Especially in berthing. I don't understand why exactly, but he knows best. So I started whipping up a quick quilt for him. He has to leave soon so this has to be FAST. 

I had some wool that my grandma gave me..it's imported. I have no idea from where, but regardless,  it looks nice and warm! Then I have these colors to go with, since the wool is a dark blue color. To make it piece together fast, the wool is cut into 10" squares; then I have some 5" squares of the above, and finally the 2.5" ones in the picture. Sew (more like applique, but who cares?) the 5 onto the 10, then the 2.5 onto the 5....ta-da! A block done. I don't think I have enough of the wool, so I'm just gonna go as far as I can with what I have cut and then figure it out. I bought spray-baste to help move it along!

Since subs are tiny spaces, and Ax only has a small rack to store his belongings, the batting for this is going to be two fleece throws that I picked up at walmart. I'll have to sew them end-to-end to get the length, I think. I may pick up two more for the backing; I haven't decided yet. I have to get the front done first!!

Ax also gets to take a halfway-box with him on the boat. Each guy can have one shoebox of halfway goodies that they bust out halfway through the deployment. Right now I only have a shoebox that a pair of flats came in, so adding stuff from Ax's family may prove challenging. That said, here's a quick tour of his goodies:

A card to open that night, and some tins of Skoal. While we both think it's gross, lots of the guys use it and Ax can use the tins as a bartering tool or something. I dunno. I don't know a damned thing about tobacco so I have no idea if any of the guys will actually use the type I picked out. I figure if they're desperate enough to have their fix, they won't complain. ;)

Another card to open later on. A box of crayons, one of those itty-bitty Lego sets with the directions, a coloring set consisting of a few tiny markers (hence the extra crayons..) and coloring pages from Cars. Chapstick, as I have the feeling it's gonna be awfully dry on the sub.

Some gum for those who don't use tobacco but still need an oral fix. Ha. Swedish Fish, cherry Twizzlers, AAA batteries (for his alarm clock!), a bag of almonds, and a bag of peanuts.

Ax is a sucker for Oreos. I'm sneaking the rest of the mini-packages into his backpack. Hahaha.

A pile of Wint-o-green Lifesavers. I've found that they're awesome for dry throats, stuffy noses, and slight nausea (which mint is supposed to help relieve anyway). If nothing else, they could be makeshift poker chips. LOL.

And somehow, I have fit it all into this box which used to hold scrap fabric. I'm hoping I can find a regular-sized shoebox; then I know the Oreos won't get as squished.

I still haven't decided how I want to decorate it though. Hum.

On a different note ENTIRELY, here's a Friday Fill-In, courtesy of Wife of a Sailor!

1. What’s one thing in the past month you would have changed?

Being locked out of the house and the lacking money thing. That was just ridiculous. Ugh.

2. What was your favorite thing that happened in January? 

Hm. I don't know. Just spending time with Ax, really.

3. What are you looking forward to in February?

Our one-year anniversary is in a few days; after that just looking forward to getting this damned deployment started already! The waiting seems to be worse than actually having him gone!

4. What are your plans for Valentine’s Day?

I think we might combine it with our anniversary (they're like two days apart), so in that case just a fancy dinner out someplace. Probably some cake. Spending time together before deployment!

5. What is your best advice for a MilSpouse whose spouse is deployed for Valentine’s Day?

Can't offer much here because this is my first deployment; I will say that sitting around moping won't help you any. If you guys actually celebrate Valentine's Day, go out and do something silly for yourself! Buy yourself a bunch of fake (or real!) roses. Eat an obscene amount of chocolate. Get a manicure, or whatever your treat to yourself is. Lounge around in sweats all day if you want! Don't forget about your spouse...if it's possible to call or email them, do so! I'm sure they're busy but I'm sure they're thinking of you!

And with that, now Simon and I must go for a walk before I lose my feet from him chewing on them. ahahah.

Deployments and owies.

I think this upcoming deployment is starting to get me anxious. I lack motivation, just want to sleep, my heart acts up (I have a heart condition), etc. I'm not so much stressed about Ax actually being gone. More stressed about thinking about everything that could go wrong while he's gone. Which is strange because I have POA and can get stuff done on his behalf. So idk.

It doesn't help that I seriously sliced my finger on a rotary cutter over the weekend. No stitches, thankfully. I was cutting some backing fabric for a stupid little project (ugliest doll quilt I could come up with...LOL) when the cutter jumped and sliced my middle finger. I felt the cut and calmly walked to the bathroom with my palm cupping underneath my middle finger. All I said was "well, that's not good" and Ax was up and running to me with the first aid kit. Strangely, the sight of my own blood made me puke. Blood and gore -- mine or anyone else's -- generally doesn't bother me. We just assume that I scared myself sick. Ax was understandably concerned about how I would have handled that if I was home alone. I probably could have taken care of it without much difficulty. And if I couldn't have gotten the bleeding to stop, I would have gone next door and asked for a ride to an urgent care or ER. The neighbors kinda look out for us since we're new here; I'm sure they would have given me a ride no questions asked. Just the way I sliced my finger would have made driving myself dangerous and really difficult.

I sliced not only the "meat" of my finger, but into the nail as well. I'm hoping it heals enough by our anniversary that I can paint it along with the rest of my nails. If not...well, then I'll use a bandaid so it doesn't look so damned silly.

My finger is extremely sore (I can't type with it, too much pressure on the owie), still a bit weepy when the scabs come off from hand washing or showers, but it doesn't look infected which is good. After my showers I've been taking a qtip doused in peroxide and gently swabbing it to keep it clean. It's kind of funny to look at; compared to my other middle finger there is a giant flat spot on the injured one.


This is not the first time I've seriously cut myself; back in high school I wrecked my left index finger on a mandolin slicer. It took almost four years for the fingerprint to grow back. And if you poke at it some days, I have no feeling in the fingertip. hahaha.

I am extremely lucky I didn't do more damage with the rotary cutter. There was a post on reddit.com a while back of a woman who lost about half her finger (vertically speaking) from one. These things are INCREDIBLY sharp. Be careful out there, crafters!