This is a non-Navy rant.

To preface this, until Ax and I move in October I am staying at my parents' house. My dad is a huge jerk to pretty much everybody except his mother and my brother.

My mom has a degree in Medical Assisting and is busting her ass to get her foot in the door at a clinic. Right now she works two jobs just to cover SOME of her bills. At the "morning" job, she is quite often verbally abused, taken advantage of, and has office procedures changed on her with no notice--just a reprimand after she does it "wrong'.

Mom doesn't have a whole lot of self-esteem to begin with. Part of this is my dad, and part of it is the depression that runs on that side of the family. (Yes, me too.)

So when she came home last night nearly in tears about what was said to her during the morning, I told her she didn't have to take it. Call someone and report her behavior. The doctor who owns the office doesn't give two shits what the manager does (the mean lady), so going to him will do nothing.

I barely finished the sentence about calling the labor standards office and seeing what kind of path she can take to rectify the situation, and my dad starts yelling about "WHERE THE HELL WILL THE GROCERIES COME FROM THEN??"

Excuse me for trying to be a supportive daughter, when you utterly fail as a supportive husband (and father). The last thing I need is to lose my mom to suicide (and I KNOW she's thought about it before).

This is the first time in several years he's made me cry. For the most part, the hide I have when it comes to him is inpenetrable. But mom and I are clearly no longer people to him, we're just...financial burdens, I guess. Nevermind that HE offered to pay off my car as a wedding gift to Ax and I. HE offered to make some payments on the one loan I took out for school. HE offered to help my mom purchase a new car.

I'll be honest. My dad is obese. When you're pregnant, you kind of have that arched back and you waddle instead of walk, right? My dad walks like that every. day. EVERY day. But insists nothing is wrong.

Maybe my mom would be able to afford groceries if she didn't have to feed six people instead of just three. He eats enough for three people at pretty much every single meal. By Friday, when there should be leftovers, I'm lucky if I even get a handful of french fries (or whatever). I literally have to hoard food in order to make sure I get some.

Dad has been a gigantic jerk ever since my brother was born--and I don't resent my brother for it. It's not his fault, it's my dad. It's like when P was born, I suddenly ceased to exist as a human or as a daughter. I was just another mouth to provide for. I spent years trying to get his approval and his attention. at 17, i finally gave up. Clearly he doesn't want me.


So...rant. When my dad finally kicks the bucket I hope it's painful and he's all alone. I know that if he ever needed 911 in my presence I'd just toss him a phone and tell him good luck. If he can't treat me like a human, I won't treat him like one.

of Ax and dogs.

I wish it would hurry up and be September already. I really miss Ax.

We decided not to have a visit in August. Rather, Ax decided we shouldn't. I mentioned something about the car making it all the way to CT and was more or less told to not go. Not that he doesn't want to see me, but we should save money for the move.

While I understand where he's coming from (and actually am a tiny bit relieved I don't have to drive 18 hours by myself), I wish he had just said that outright instead of going through the whole picking-out-dates thing with me and then telling me a few weeks later he changed his mind.

It's the first time since we got married that I was actually pissed at him. I was really mad because I already asked for the days off at work, and that would screw up Lisa's schedule. Kind of the "you only thought about yourself" thing, I guess. I'm over it though.

Instead, I'll be flying out there for his A-school graduation at the end of September. I'm hoping that by working all these extra hours I can save up enough for a flight and a car for two days--i'd fly in wednesday, his graduation is thursday, and we'd fly back to WI on friday. Then two whirlwind weeks of family and friends before it's off to the duty station.


When we find out where we're moving...I'm gonna start looking at animal rescues/shelters for a dog. On Sunday, I volunteered at a greyhound kennel after they got a haul of 24 retired dogs. Walks, ear cleaning, nail trims, tick checks, deworming, flea/tick defense, basic vet check, another walk, new collars, food, ID cards on the crates, and finally some quiet for them to relax and get some sleep.

It was busy. I loved every second of it. The dog I had for the day was named Hee Bee Gee Bee. she was such a sweetie. :)

While all the dust, dander, and dirt kicked up my allergies, I wouldn't have traded it for the world. I missed being around dogs! I got so many doggie kisses from all the hounds, too. so cute. :)

Kings Bay, Bangor, San Diego...

Kings Bay, Bangor, San Diego...

Ax texted me today saying that he's so anxious about getting his choice of orders that it's making his chest hurt. I don't think anything has ever been so...monumental...to him. I think in comparison, getting married was a cakewalk.

Don't tell him, but I think it's kind of cute that he's so anxious.

Kings Bay, Bangor, San Diego.

I wish I could be with him to try and keep him distracted but by the time I visit next we'll know where we're moving to.

Kings Bay, Bangor, San Diego.

He's hoping for a boomer. I honestly don't have a preference (the preference of "don't go out" doesn't apply here..dang). As long as he's happy with his job, then I am happy. I suppose there is the chance that in two years, he might get the opposite boat if we move to a new duty station.

So we play the waiting game. Or rather, Ax does. I'm not the one going out on a boat for months at a time...if I was, I'd certainly want my first choice too. I'm mostly excited to see where we're going to live. I am getting anxious to have the chance to explore a new city, a new library, and have a doggie again.

--

Now that I have a blog again, I wanted to start a new paper journal too...oy vey. Like I don't have enough hobbies already? I spent this morning at work googling writing prompts and stuff to keep my mind working. I don't want to just write about Ax and I all the time, I want some writing to be goofy or at least about different subjects so I don't get bored. Depending on the subject, maybe I'll cross-post it here.

I woke up today to the news about what happened near Denver. I want to know WHY he did it. That's my criminal justice side coming out...I have the feeling he picked the release night on purpose, though, to maximize his targets. What gets me is that people thought that because of the way he was dressed, he was "part" of the movie. I know they tried to make this Batman movie the biggest and best one yet, but COME ON. With the shit that goes on in the world these days, do you really think theatres would allow that? And besides, if it WAS allowed, don't you think there would have been more than one person dressed in riot gear? One person doesn't really add to the effect, but two or three might.

Also, please explain why you'd take an infant (one of the injured was a 3 month old I think) to a midnight showing of a movie?

Boggles the mind, it does.

With that, it is now time for my noms. Om nom nom salad, plum, and wheat thins. Then four more hours of boredommmm. Le sigh. At least it's Friday.

Two weeks and counting...

Until we find out where the first duty station is. Ax is extraordinarily nervous; I think it's because once we're there, it's the REAL DEAL and not just "pretend" anymore. No more school, now he actually has to apply all that knowledge he's learned over the course of nine months. I'm anxious because I want to start looking for jobs (there's no way we can afford all the bills on an  E-3 salary). And I want to start looking for a doggie to adopt. Ever since we put Sarah down in March, my life has had a gigantic hole in it. :(

My Treeing Walker Coonhound, Sarah. <3

To try and fill in that hole temporarily, I'm headed to the local Greyhound rescue on Sunday to welcome in a new herd of hounds. I would LOVE to adopt a Grey when we move, but all sorts of doggies need forever homes...so whoever attaches themselves to my leg will come home. 

---

I'm part of the Groton FB page, where a bunch of wives/moms talk about their Sailors and yadda yadda...one of the Sailors is being separated from the Navy for a failure to adapt. He had ALMOST made it through schooling too. He hates being away from his family so much that it's affected his ability to do his job. Where he is originally from is really struggling economically right now so he likely won't have a job when he gets back home. It's disappointing, to be honest. Ax called him a "shitbag", which I have noticed is a common term for people who are not good at their jobs, but I think that's a bit harsh. I imagine the Navy (as well as other branches of military) realize that there are going to be people who will just not fit in after trying and pushing through most of their training. People who are on a boat against their will (more or less) are dangerous and he's honestly better off elsewhere. I was hoping they'd transfer him to surface ships, but I guess they decided to cut ties with him entirely. 

On a sadder note, this thread on Reddit (yeah, I reddit) made me cry. A poster submits a photo of his brother who was killed two years ago today by an IED. Someone from the brother's outpost in Afghanistan posted more photos of them during their tour, with stories/background for each one. It was really really touching. I don't normally cry at ANYTHING, much less a story on the internet (as cold-hearted as this will seem, servicepeople die all the time over there)...but something got to me in this one.

And now, I return to my NCIS mini-marathon. Mmmm Gibbs. ahahahah.

Musings on the future career of a Navy Wife

Some of the blogs I follow also guest post on SpouseBuzz, so now I'm email subscribed to that too. How I'll ever keep up with all this reading I'll never know--actually, I do. The four hours of work three days a week in which I do nothing but answer the phone once in a while. Getting paid to read blogs is no different than getting paid to read a book. Or color, because I did that for a while too. Seriously, my job is boring--but I am extremely grateful to have one.

This article/blurb kind of struck a nerve with me. Not because it was poorly written or because it attacked anybody. But because I don't have a job that is an interest or passion of mine. I mean, I CAN have a job like that one day, but therein lies the rub.

( I honestly have no idea what is meant by "there's the rub", but I read it in a book and it sounded cool. Feel free to correct my usage!)

I have a degree in Criminal Justice from what is probably one of the worst universities in the union. The graduation rate for Parkside was something like 35%--because people either used it as a launchpad for the university they really wanted to go to, or because they failed out and never came back. My opinions on the closing of the university is an entire post in and of itself, however, suffice it to say that this piss-poor graduation rate doesn't help its case any.

I have several interests and or passions:

- paralegal (interest)
- dogs (interest AND passion)
- books (interest AND passion)
- helping veterans (interest, maybe passion?)

So far the only interest or passion my current job comes close to is the helping of veterans. The floor I work on houses the CVSO and an "assistant" (although the "assistant" has been here longer than the CVSO!). Greeting vets, telling them about my husband, asking about their service (which branch, any particular wars, etc), and getting them bus tickets to the VA center in Milwaukee is extremely rewarding. If Ax wasn't in the military maybe I'd not be so interested in helping veterans. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy helping others and solving problems, but without being placed in this particular situation with Ax, maybe it wouldn't mean as much to help them. Especially the homeless ones, which honestly breaks my heart every damn time.

With my CJ education (which is mostly a laughable joke at best) and strong clerical skills, paralegal would be an excellent choice of career for the rest of my working life. Problem is, I'd have to go back to school to be certified. I am so burnt out from school, papers, exams, lessons, etc. that the thought almost makes me sick.
I considered grad school for library science, but my grades are so godawful that I doubt anyone would accept me into a Master's program. I suppose for now, volunteering in a library would have to do. Forking over more money for a Master's doesn't exactly leave a good taste in my mouth either, haha.

That leaves dogs. I've watched the animal cops shows on Animal Planet, and while I would LOVE to do that...my cat allergies are too bad to go into hoarder situations. With the reactions my body has to cats, there is no possible way for me to just "work around it". If I worked in a shelter, I'd probably come home with a dog every week and then Ax would have no place to sleep when he'd have shore duty or leave. LOL

So I guess my choices for a career are paralegal or figure out how to get into the VA industry to help vets with paperwork, applications, and whatnots. Paralegal sounds like more money in the bank, but a job with the VA means helping more people. I decided that I'm getting paralegal certification no matter what I end up doing, because I can't go the rest of my life without learning. I'm just too burned out right now to get back into it. Maybe this time next year I can start some classes or something--I'll need stuff to keep me busy when Ax is playing in the ocean in his tin can. :P


Until something else comes along, I'll just keep pokin' around at work helping whoever I can, and when the local Greyhound rescue gets a haul of retired racers, I'll head down to the kennel and welcome some adorable gentle giants to a new home. Hopefully I can help find them some forever homes too. :)

Another sweltering day in the Land of Cheese...

We're on our second heatwave of the summer. I work near Lake Michigan, and right now the temperature is 104 outside. The heat index is probably close to 110. Further inland, 110 is almost the temperature. I don't even want to think of what the heat index would be. I love summer, and I love the heat, but I do not wish to cook eggs on my driveway. Or in my car. My Corolla does not need to smell like breakfast.

One of the blogs I follow is Before The I Do's, and I found a post today on her blog which is like another "getting to know you" sort of thing. Decided I'd do it! I had a more serious post in mind, but I have 4 hours to kill at work (where nothing ever happens) so I'm sure I can do both. So let's get this party on the road, shall we?

1) How long have you been blogging? What got you started on blogging? Has your blog changed?

I've been keeping journals off and on since I was a freshman in high school. Some online, some on paper. Originally what got me started was a therapist my mom INSISTED I go see...why I still don't know. Anyyyway, my blogs/journals have evolved over the years as my writing style and lexicon have improved by leaps and bounds. They're also less angst-filled. Gotta love being the stereotypical teenager. MY LIFE IS SO HORRIBLE U GUISE. GUISE SRSLY.

2) Did you go to college? If so, where, and what did you study?

I went to the University of Wisconsin-Parkside. Never heard of it? That's okay. No one has. It's the population of a large high school with connected academic buildings. I hated it there, althought the only plus side I can think of is being able to call the chancellors by their first name (we went through a few in my time there). I majored in Criminal Justice, although I did take a fair amount of psych classes as well. They still haven't sent me my degree, though...suppose I should call them tomorrow and ask what the holy hell is going on.

3) Where have you traveled?

Nowhere exciting, that's for sure. New Orleans (before Katrina), Ohio, Florida, Virginia (Virginia Beach specifically), New York (city and upstate), Connecticut, North Dakota, Minnesota, Michigan, and obviously Wisconsin. Oh, and I went to Canada once but I don't really remember that.

4) If you won the lottery, what would be the first thing you would buy?

I'd pay off my student loans. Even the cheapest state college isn't cheap, yo.

5) What are your 3 biggest pet peeves?

-Using numerals incorrectly. If it's a number under 10, you are supposed to spell it out. LOL
-Blue pens. I absolutely abhor blue ink in a pen. Markers are cool. Pens are not.
-People who take forever to spit out a sentence. My dad, for example, takes damn near five minutes to explain how he got in his work truck.


6) What is your favorite movie?

Of all time? Metropolis. It's a 1927 German film. Absolutely amazing.

7) What is your drink of choice: wine, beer, or liquor? Or, water, soda, or tea?

Of the booze, definitely liquor. Give me a bottle of Jameson and I am SET. I've been trying to cut out soda (unneeded calories!), but tea is like my best friend. Except it's too hot out right now for this. UGH. So lots of water. LOTS OF WATER INDEED.

8) What is something you enjoy doing when you have "me" time?

Watch NCIS. I'm not kidding, this is my favorite show ever. Does it make me paranoid about the bad things that could happen to Ax? Yeah. Would I pass up seeing Leroy Jethro Gibbs? HELL NO. /drool

9) If you could have a $10,000 shopping spree to one store, which store would it be?

Sadly, probably a place like Gamestop or something. I love videogames, even though I don't often play.

10) What day would you love to relive again?

Hmmm. That's hard. Right now it's between the day I got the "I'm a SAILOR!" call and our wedding day. Probably our wedding day. I may opt to change the wedding lunch from mcdonald's to something a touch classier. LOL

11) If your life was turned into a movie, what actress would play you?

Cote de Pablo? she's the woman who plays Zeeva David on NCIS. I think she'd be able to do a decent job. Plus she's pretty. Really pretty.


12) What are the jobs you had in high school/college?

In high school, band and theatre WERE my jobs. I spent probably hundreds of hours each school year working on  them and related projects. In college, I've done everything from temp at a Peterbilt repair shop (probably my favorite ever), work retail at Target, work in the university archives, run a college newspaper, secretary for student government, and now I'm working at the local Workforce Development Center answering phones. It's probably my second favorite after the Peterbilt experience.

13) Show us a picture from high school or college.

Well, since facebook is blocked at work, you'll have to wait until later to get a photo. derp!

14) If you could travel anywhere in the world, all expenses paid, where would you go?

I told Matt I'd LOVE to go see England, Ireland, and Scotland. So we'd probably make a trip of those three. You bet your ass I'm finding a Doctor Who museum to go to.

15) Show us the most curernt picture of you or you and your family.

Again with the blocking of facebook, so again you must wait.

16) Where do you see your life five years from now?

Oh boy. Ummm. Five years from now, Ax will be on reserve duty to finish out his contract, unless he re-ups. I think in five years I'll be ready for kids. After that I don't really know. I enjoy taking it one day at a time and seeing where life leads us.

 

 

 

 

 

 

1) What is your biggest phobia?

Spiders. Bees. Anything that has the potential to creep up the side of my leg. ew ew ew ew ew!

2) If you could relive any day of your life, what would it be and why?

To give a different answer to this one, I'd relive my 21st birthday. The guy I was seeing broke up with me that day after he had dinner with me and my family. I have never been so hurt in my life. I'd go back and try to stand up for myself (which I wasn't very good at doing) and maybe things would have been different--but maybe not. The point is, I'd speak up instead of letting him steamroll me and reducing me to tears on my roommate's bed while he slept on a couch.

3) If you could choose to stay a certain age forever, what age would it be?

I dunno, I seem to like 24 well enough. Let's go with that.

4) Which celebrity do you get mistaken for? 

I more often get mistaken for an 18-year-old than a celebrity. I suppose looking younger than I am means I will age well, but still. TWENTY. FOUR. THANK YOU.


5) What songs are included on the soundtrack to your life?

 The soundtrack is like, four CDs at this point. Music is a huge part of my life. The top song is definitely Josh Turner's "Would You Go With Me?" because it's Ax's and my song.

An attempt to connect with other Navy wimminz

In an attempt to get back into blogging....

1. What’s one thing in the past month you would have changed?

I would have changed the way we planned my trip, so it would be less stressful financially.

2. What was your favorite thing that happened in June? 

Visiting the Ax for my birthday. We ate at Bar Americain (a Bobby Flay restaurant!), and he bought me a knife. :)

3. What did you do to celebrate Independence Day?

 My mom drove two veterans in the local parade ('67 mustang in case you were curious); all the vets in the parade were given Quilts of Valor. My mom had a Pearl Harbor vet and a Pacific Theatre vet in her car. The car behind had a Normady Invasion/Battle of the Buldge veteran, and behind him were two kids that JUST got back from Afghanistan.

4. When you PCS, what items do you take with you and not let the movers pack (and if you do a DITY, what do you take with you and not box up)  (thanks to Sespi at And You Never Did Think for inspiring this question)?

  Dunno, we haven't gotten to this point yet. We're newbs in the Navy community. but I anticipate taking both lockboxes (we each have one), computers, necessary clothes/items, and bedding. Maybe the videogames...maybe. oh, and I'm definitely taking a few books with me. no one shall keep the books from me!

5. What are you looking forward to in July?

Maybe it'll rain here finally. Or at least not be inthe 100's every day of the week...

I'm gonna love you forever & ever, forever & ever amen.

Okay but seriously now, getting back into this. Navy life is gonna get more interesting in another month or two and I want to be back in the habit of writing so I can track it. My memory is for shit, honestly, so if it's not written down chances are I won't remember jack.

I'm planning on importing my posts from my previous blog during the weekend...hopefully I remember to backdate them so they appear in order.

For now, to keep my mind moving a bit before bed, I'll jot down what I remember from my trip about a week ago to visit the Ax.

As you may or may not know, the Ax is in CT right now going through A-School. Last I heard, he was top of his class with a roommate of his being right behind (cue gay Navy joke, ba-dum-tish?).

Out of the three or four schools he's had while in CT, it doesn't seem like any of them were too terribly hard for him. Which is good. He's a smart kid, he just doesn't always apply himself (much like me). Although now he has to, or he's out of a paycheck and a job. He takes his role as a financially supportive husband fairly seriously, so he's certainly going to do whatever the Navy asks. "Jump!" "HOW HIGH?!"

Back to the trip...flew out on a Thursday, which was his duty day. Long story short, rental car companies suck ass at renting to people under 25. After finally getting a rental, I checked into the hotel while he did GMT and then we hung around base for a while. We got subway, he showed me his new barracks (he moved since the last time I was there) as well as some of the other parts of base I don't normally drive past.

Friday he had school, so I picked him up a little while after that. General husband-wifey time, then we got dressed for dinner and headed out. I'm glad we left a bit early, as it was rainy and gross (why does it always rain on my birthday? did that last year too--in an entirely different state!) and the parking garage was almost full.

We were originally going to eat at Michael Jordan's steakhouse, but apparently they do not serve ANYTHING to a patron under 21. If you're confused by this that's okay, because we were too. So we walked down the hall and ended up at Bar Americain, a Bobby Flay restaurant. GORGEOUS. The food was amazing (would you expect less from a Flay establishment?), we ate until we could eat no more. My birthday "cake" was like an upside-down smore, except the chocolate was pudding and the "marshmallow" was rum-infused whipped cream. And the graham cracker was wafer-thin with powdered sugar on top. And my candle was wedged into a little blackberry! It was almost too cute to eat. But I ate it. Despite the dairy and my lactose intolerance. Ate that smore like it was going out of style. He bought me a Kershaw for my birthday. I love it! and the mushiest card he could probably find in the NEX, but I'll find a way to outdo him for his birthday....WATCH OUT HUBBY. I'MA GETCHU!

Saturday....I forget what we did, honestly. Probably a lot of nothing because we're generally broke after paying for a car, the flight, and a hotel. Next time I'm driving my own car, that'll save at LEAST 200 bucks if not more. We had applebee's for dinner, and I got to say hi to Brony, who is one of the Ax's friends from RTC. Brony is a guy who loves My Little Pony. I think he is the most adorable thing on the planet. I would take him home with me if I could!

Sunday was our emo day, because monday meant less time together which meant tuesday (the departure day) was right around the corner. But we wandered the Olde Mystick Village, had brunch at our usual establishment, and later on that evening saw Brave. Cute movie! Kind of your stereotypical disney plot (treat others as you would be treated, family is important, etc etc), but cute characters and a lot of funny moments.

I honestly don't remember what i did Monday while Matt was in class and PTing. Haven't a clue. I remember I was really sad that I couldn't see him until dinnertime, but I suppose with inspections on Tuesdays he was trying to get some stuff ready.

Tuesday I only got to see him for lunch, and I was sad. Really sad. It honestly breaks my heart to leave CT, because all I see in his eyes for the last time is how sad and lonely he is already. Yeah, he's got buddies and he's active on base with sports and whatever, but it's different than having your best friend and your spouse there.

I went back to the Village to kill some time before my flight, and bought mom her birthday gifts. Two jars of handmade jam and a new set of coasters. It WAS her birthday, after all. She was really excited to see me when I got back to the Cheese state...not that I didn't miss her, but CT is kind of home now. I am a military spouse and the base happens to feel most like home.


So yeah. Overall that visit was probably my favorite. I always worry on the flights out to CT that I'll be met with a husband who is vastly different than the previous time I was in his arms...but I am always unsurprised when he hasn't changed a bit. More disciplined? Sure. Less full of beer? Definitely. But he's mine, still, and I couldn't ask for more.
---
Orders should be picked pretty soon...if he's still at the top or near the top of his class, I believe he gets first dibs. Honestly I'm getting a little anxious to know where I'll be spending the next year or two of my life. Anywhere would be okay with me, honestly. Hawaii, while AWESOME, is a bit far from what little family I am close to....but I think I'd manage. I'm also hoping he picks a boomer instead of fast attack. Weighing the pros and cons on my own, I'd much prefer he play around on a boomer.

After orders comes his birthday, his A-school graduation, a little bit of leave, and then PCSing to a duty station. THEN comes a place to live, a dog (or two), and me finding a job/some kind of paying activity.

Life's reasonably quiet now....it's just a matter of time before it's turned upside-down again. And with that, I sign off for the evening since I work early early early tomorrow. Plus it's going to still be hotter than Satan's asshole.